We Grow Where We Feel Safe
There’s this idea I can’t shake: we grow where we feel safe.
Not just physically, but emotionally. Spiritually too.
A child doesn’t flourish just because someone taught them right from wrong—they flourish when they’re seen, soothed, and loved. And really, aren’t our souls wired the same way? Growth doesn’t come from pressure. It comes from safety. From connection.
That’s why I want to talk about something we don’t usually hear much about in Christian circles, but honestly? It shapes the way many of us experience faith more than we know: attachment.
What Is Attachment, Really?
Attachment is the deep bond we form with our earliest caregivers. But it’s more than psychology. It’s the emotional blueprint for how we connect, how we trust, how we feel safe—or don’t.
Dr. Curt Thompson puts it in a way that hits home:
“We come into the world looking for someone looking for us.”
And if no one is looking—if our needs go unnoticed or unmet—we adapt. We protect ourselves. But that protection often turns into disconnection. From others. From ourselves. Even, in time, from God.
Your Attachment Filter
Todd Hall calls it the attachment filter. Basically, we all carry around a relational lens formed in childhood. Through it, we ask questions like:
Are people safe?
Can I trust them?
Will I still be loved if I’m fully myself?
What we often miss is that we don’t just ask these questions about other people. We ask them about God.
If you’ve ever felt like you had to earn His love, or like closeness with Him was always just out of reach… there’s a good chance your attachment filter is part of the reason. It’s not just about what you believe—it’s about what you expect from relationship.
Why This Matters
We tend to treat spiritual growth like a checklist. Read the Bible. Pray more. Try harder.
But spiritual growth doesn’t start with effort. It starts with safety.
When we know we’re safe—when we know we’re loved—something shifts. We stop hiding. We start resting. Trusting. Healing.
That’s when transformation actually begins.
What’s Next
In the next post, we’re going to look at the four main attachment styles—Anxious, Avoidant, Fearful, and Secure—and how each one quietly shapes the way we relate to God. You might see yourself in one of them. And maybe that’ll help make sense of why your faith sometimes feels exhausting. Or why connection with God feels hit-or-miss.
But this isn’t about slapping a label on yourself. It’s about hope.
Because whatever your story has been, healing is possible.
And God? He’s not waiting for you to perform. He’s waiting for you to feel safe with Him.
