Anxious, Avoidant, or Secure? How Attachment Shapes Your View of God
Have you ever noticed how some people seem to settle effortlessly into God's love, while others feel stuck—distant, doubtful, maybe quietly wondering if they’ll ever be “enough”?
It’s easy to chalk it up to belief. But maybe... it's more about how we attach.
Last time, we talked about how we grow in safe spaces—and how that need doesn’t end in childhood. It shapes how we connect with people and with God.
Today, we’re taking that one step further. We’re exploring four core attachment styles and how each one might be quietly shaping your spiritual life.
This isn’t about labeling or limiting. It’s about noticing. Because when we name a pattern, we can start to soften it.
Anxious Attachment: “Am I Still Loved?”
This lens often forms when love felt inconsistent—close one moment, withdrawn the next.
People with this style tend to crave connection but constantly fear it might disappear.
In relationships, they may think:
“If I’m not constantly close, I’ll be forgotten.”
And in faith? It often shows up as striving:
Overachieving to feel worthy
Worrying when God feels distant
Always asking, “Am I doing enough?”
Even if they believe God loves them, they may not feel it unless there's a tangible sense of closeness.
“If I don’t feel Him, maybe I did something wrong.”
Over time, this gets exhausting. But the invitation here isn’t to hustle harder. It’s to rest in a love that doesn’t come and go.
Avoidant Attachment: “I’m Fine on My Own”
This style usually comes from learning—early on—that it was safer not to need anyone.
These folks often value independence and self-control. And spiritually, they can be deeply committed... but emotionally disconnected.
You might notice:
Prayer that feels intellectual but not personal
A need to “keep it together” around God
Discomfort with vulnerability—even in worship
They may trust God in theory but struggle to let Him in.
“I know God loves me… I just don’t know how to be open with Him.”
It’s not that they don’t care. It’s that closeness often feels unfamiliar, maybe even risky.
Fearful Attachment (Disorganized): “I Want to Trust, But I’m Scared”
This is the most conflicted style—marked by a deep desire for connection and a fear of what that connection might cost.
These individuals may move toward intimacy... then pull away the moment it feels too raw.
They might:
Chase closeness with God, then shut down
Worry that intimacy will lead to rejection
Struggle to trust that God's nearness won’t turn into disappointment
There’s often shame about the inconsistency—like, “Why can’t I just stay close?” But the root isn’t laziness. It’s fear.
“What if I open up… and it hurts again?”
What this heart needs most isn’t more pressure. It’s a gentle, steady presence.
Secure Attachment: Where Healing Leads
This isn’t about being perfect. It’s about feeling safe enough to be real.
People with secure attachment believe that love isn’t fragile. That connection can bend without breaking.
In their faith, you’ll often see:
A trust that holds, even in silence
Prayer that feels like conversation, not performance
A deep sense that God’s love remains—even when emotions don’t
“Even when I don’t feel Him, I still trust He’s near.”
This is what we’re moving toward. Not certainty. Not flawless theology. Just a secure, rooted relationship that allows us to breathe.
Why This Matters
Your relationship with God will almost never grow beyond your ability to feel safe in relationship.
That’s not a limitation—it’s an opportunity. Because healing attachment isn’t about trying harder. It’s about experiencing love differently.
What’s Next
In Part 3, we’ll talk about what secure attachment with God actually feels like—and what steps you can take toward it.
Even if your past is marked by fear or distance, healing is possible.
Not through perfect answers.
But through a different kind of connection.
