Finding Balance: A Rule of Life for Friendship and Faith

Do you ever feel as though your life is stacked and there is no margin? Almost as if you are fighting a tension between caring for your soul while also being pulled in so many different directions with relationships, work, friends, and family?

We carry a lot, and in the ministry of friends and family, we ache to be connected with one another; however, without a healthy balance, it becomes heavy. Balancing our lives becomes more of a heavy load than a full life. In one of his teachings, Jesus says, “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light” (Mt.11:28-30).

What is a Rule of Life?

A Rule of Life is just that- it’s a way of learning both the heart and way of Jesus by participating in His presence by seeking him in our everyday life. Through a rule,  we learn balance. Throughout Jesus’ ministry, he was constantly getting away with the Father, so that he could go out with his disciples, and be a reflection of who He was and what He was called to do. Jesus’ life invites us to live in a way. So to do that, we need a Cross-Shaped Rule. The Rule provides a structure of communion with God and with others. More than Christ's crucifixion, it points horizontally and vertically while setting its roots deeply. 

The Vertical Rule

The aspect of the rule that pertains to the inner life is what I will refer to as the Vertical Rule. The vertical rule includes practices that keep me rooted and grounded in Christ. This looks like prayer, mediating on scripture, silence and solitude, and a regular rhythm of rest. Creative expression may include activities such as writing poetry, drawing pictures that came up in prayer, or painting. All of these practices, while cultivating the inner life, are shown in the horizontal aspect of life. The character and fruit that are formed through these practices reveal themselves in the joys and challenges of community life.

The Horizontal Rule

Just like Christ’s outstretched arms, my life and character stretch out beyond myself and to the lives of my friends and those I lead. This is what I will refer to as the Horizontal Rule. It’s everything we do in the world, and cultivates an outstretched-arm posture. Friendship and character are both for the sake of others and the Kingdom at large. It’s only fitting that Christ would use our character as a way to reveal Himself through our friendships. For me, this includes the practices and rhythms that take place in community. Ideally, not all of them are formal in terms of a set time or place. The intention is that over time, the Rule allows these things we participate in to become natural and responses to the Spirit in the relationship. For me, this comes in practices like prayer. Just like for my inner life, I need a structure that will nourish my relationships and prepare the ground for the Spirit to move through both parties. We need a rule that stretches beyond our inner life and out to our communal life.

Why A Rule of Life in Friendship

The ultimate goal of mentorship is to give truth and steer them to the cross through the kindness and compassion that comes in friendship. It’s essential to recognize that across all relationships, God draws us closer to Him in our brokenness. Through friendship, I will learn to become second. This is something Aelred of Rievaulx illustrates in his comments on the friendship of Johnathon and David:

“Jonathon alone, with more reason for envy, thought that his father should be opposed, that he should put himself at the service of his friend and offer advice in so great a crisis, because Jonathan set friendship above a kingdom. ‘You will be king,’ he said, ‘and I will be second after you’(1 Sm. 23:17)”.7

This reveals something unique about friendship and ministry. Charity in friendship is the heart of everything I do in not just “ministry”, but my life. There must be boundaries in both friendship and mentorship. These boundaries come about through coming to know that there are no boxes to life, and no friendship that Christ doesn’t reside in. That’s why we need a Rule, a rhythm to life and friendship.

To read more, visit Mallory’s Substack: https://open.substack.com/pub/mallorygarrison/p/a-cross-shaped-rule-the-importance?r=4bdsrf&utm_medium=ios