Friendship as a Sacred Practice

Two of the most misunderstood aspects of the Christian life are joy and holiness, and both have major impacts on our relationships. In emphasizing friendship, I will explore a word on each, and how it not only impacts our relationships with each other- but also our relationship with Jesus.

I am reminded of one thing Jesus says that strikes me.

 “No longer do I call you servants, for the servant does not know what his master is doing; but I call you friends, for all that I have heard from my Father I have made known to you.”(John 15:14-15)

When it came down to it, Jesus called his disciples “friends”. I would imagine this would be one of the many ways Jesus was set apart from every other Rabbi. My point is this: We ache to be called “friend” by the ones who really know us because Jesus did it first. To understand this, I would like to paint a picture of holiness and joy as connection. I believe these two are essential to knowing how to be a friend in a world of servants.

Holiness as wholeness. 

To simplify is holiness means to be whole and pure. When we look at it this way, it takes the weight off our shoulders and draws us into the heart of the gospel. That Jesus is whole, and He came to make us whole. Holy is healing. 

A.W. Tozer writes of the Great Mystery found within the holiness of God. He writes, “Holy is the way God is. To be holy, He does not conform to a standard. He is the standard. He is absolutely holy with an infinite, incomprehensible fullness of purity that is incapable of being other than it is. Because He is holy, His attributes are holy; that is, whatever we think of as belonging to God must be thought of as holy.”

When we see holiness as a set of lenses, it opens ourselves up to be more aware of who He is and the good and beautiful things He’s doing in our lives. It’s the one where we see the ordinary and the miraculous. On Jesus’ sermon on the Mount, he says, “Blessed are the pure in heart for they will see God.”(Matthew 5:8) If we substitute holy in this word for pure, then we give ourselves access and healing that can take place. Renewing of our minds starts with developing presentness and awareness. And this is something that is best developed within the context of connection in community.

Joy is about connection.

In a series of lectures at Azusa Pacific University, Dallas Willard speaks into holiness, saying, “ The fine texture of holiness is nothing else than the presence of the Trinity in our lives”. In saying that, Willard emphasized two things. 

One: there is a groove, or a way to holiness. 

Two: that it is baked into communion with the Triune God of love. Holy is holy because it is present. 

The most vital thing we can learn in our own apprenticeship to Jesus is his presence. I would argue that Jesus spends the duration of holy week and again post-resurrection teaching and preparing his disciples about the importance of his true presence through the Holy Spirit. Here is where we find our pure joy.

In his book, Marked by Joy, Jarod Mitzelfelt presents his findings of joy as connection and reunion. He writes, “We were all created to have happiness and joy, but we can only experience them to the fullest by being deeply connected to God and others.”4 Joy is communion and the way of joy. It’s here where we are found as friends, and beloved. Christ’s holy joy has invited us to be- to be loved, to be with, to be partners.

I believe this to be the essence of our belovedness in Christ, as well as an essential part of living a holistically integrated life.

What friendship does

Eugene Peterson so beautifully says, “Like the sacramental use of water and bread and wine, friendship takes what's common in human experience and turns it into something holy. Peterson is writing about the friendship of king David and his friend, and son of his respected enemy, Jonathan. Friendship seems to be something we take for granted, but when we’re in the wilderness nothing compares to the presence of a friend. In the ordinariness of everyday life, nothing grabs our attention like being called “friend”. 

Peterson speaks to friendship as a sacrament. The best way I know how to describe sacrament is means by which Christ intends to bless through. Most of the time, in church traditions, we attribute this to things like baptisms, the act of communion, or marriage. All incredibly beautiful things. I think friendship easily holds the same importance. I have found something profoundly beautiful and edifying in friendship. 

 In Jesus’ discourse with his disciples, before he calls them friends, he says this, “I have told you this so that my joy may be in you, and that your joy may be complete.” To me the word, “complete” sounds a lot like “whole", or better yet holiness. Our friendship with Jesus confirms our holiness, just as the father confirmed him. In our friendships with each other our names confirm identity in relationship. 

The journey of our lives is to befriend, and learn to be a friend. I know of no better means of that than through prayer. Consistent prayer with our friends opens the door to seeing beyond ourselves, and into the door of the person beneath. When we give each other our presence and our trust to do this together, we engage in something truly transformative.

Nothing will transform us and change us the way pure friendship will. We won’t always be perfect, but we will always be changed.

References

1.Tozer, A.W. The Knowledge of the Holy: The Attributes of God, Their Meaning in the Christian Life.  Cambridge: The Lutterworth Press, 2022. Ch.1-3,21.

2.Dallas Willard Ministries. “Dallas Willard- Holiness, Divine Presence, And Divine Power-John 14”, Aug. 31, 2023. YouTube video 1:30:58.

3.Jared Mitzelfelt. Marked by Joy: Discovering the Joy that Defined the First Believers, Houston, TX: LucidBooks, 2025. P.56.

4.Eugene Peterson. Leap Over a Wall: earthy Spirituality for Everyday Christian’s. HaperOne of HaperCollins Publishing, 1997.p.53.